"hey its been 11 months eh?"
"ya"
"didn't much things happened during this time?"
"hmm?"
"we've been through quite some times during this period"
"but you are already not here.."
"no, don't think everything ends and that you are just going through alone.. i've been with you all these times too! it's not that once i'm gone you can no longer share things with me and stuff.. when you go through these things even i am also experiencing it."



"Remember during the wake? You refused to show sadness in front of my mum.. you came to my photo with a smile, said a happy "Hi", then looked at my body.. then went back and tell yourself to not make me sad, and finish your project despite the fact you are grieving, having lost the girl you have liked so long."



"if you swapped places with her.. would you rather her to experience what you are going through now?"
"...no."
"then in that case, you are actually bearing the pain for her."
"but she has better plans than me, she's looking forward to a better future! she has more people missing her!"
"well, death is like that. There is no way it couldn't happen."


1 month and 5 days left.

ops next post

ahh speaking of which, i suddenly feel like adding more.. this is just minutes after the previous post..


maybe this year will get abit more interesting since i finally found something to do.. i dun feel like saying what is it lol.. each weekend shd b quite interesting.. i wonder whether it will succeed.. it will take place on dec 08.. hopefully we can get enough ppl heheh..


anyways year 3 next year.. our respected director came to tell us bout year 3.. sounds pretty scary and interesting.. industrial attachment and fypj.. he say if u fail any module he advise you to take a half year extension.. from what he made year 3 sounds like, seems pretty wise to take an extension since i failed 1 module too..

year 3 interesting stuff: ps3 programming (!?!?!? the sch really paid for 50 ps3s sia)
industrial attachment and fypj
optional portfolio

i seriously wonder if i can gather enough focus to keep on working anot.. now im abit used to long hours work liao.. quite glad my course has such a good design.. even buying ps3s for us to learn (no im extremely sure it wont b fun at all, in fact it wud b hell).. this course is no dreamer's course (MAKE GAMES!? COOL!!), and some ppl are already suffering under it... even the director stated there are already seniors who stayed up to 5 years.. but if you succeed, you are certainly usable in the industry.. i only hope i hav enough focus coz im spending quite alot of time on tat 08 thing also.. haiz games are no longer fun..

perfect?

no this post is not really to talk bout myself..

well i hav one fren, from vjc one la (no NOT "her", another one), den reading her blog posts, wah her life must have really been damn perfect.. talking to her last time, i was mentioning that some ppl in JCs are in mlm, she says "no my one dun hav, maybe coz its vjc, the culture is different", whoa, u think because you vjc you all ppl are culturally perfect!?

well i didnt make any comment tat time la, well she is intelligent, and generally nice, and i knew her from church one.. well reading her blog posts, sometimes i really feel like abit irritated..

she always put abit of philosophical stuff la.. say wan care bout the poor and hungry and stuff.. ok... however, she seems to hav enjoyed perfection for too long.. openly claiming shes intelligent and openly saying some ppl are not that smart.. ok.. do you know ppl dun like to b told they are dumber than you? nvm.. actually the one i really hated bout her is her quoting scriptures without really understanding the targetted individual, this seems so much like the old version of me 2 years ago.. i tot jus keep swallowing bible i wud be able to conquer every single situation.. but having experienced that, i realised humans do hav limits.. as her tutor told her, sooner or later God will break her life.. last time i used to openly accept this, like most christians do, but if tat test involved someone dying, heh, dun tink "nah it wud be tat severe"... u betta fear wads about to come.. tats why i always tell myself never be too happy.. tats when u will be caught off guard, u will always get caught off guard

gyaaa

ok firs, shd i type emo or un-emo things? i see how much i can avoid that stuff haha

aiyas anyways, now in japan theres this ultra popular song which is actually a compilation of songs made into a techno like song which actually sounds nice, and 4 of the songs on my list are inside.. its a 10 min song and it was ORIGINALLY designed to be just a melody..

until now people hav added lyrics to the whole song and it's become extremely popular on nicodouga to upload self-rendition singing on it..

so i saw someone compiled 15 of the best singers videos and it became a full choir singing the song, that is, 15 videos of the same song of different ppl singing, den all combined together.

so, kind of inspired i go record.. and long time ago i did buy a computer mic, except the mic is not those used for chatting online like webcams, but is a karaoke mic that can b plugged into a com..

so i decided to go try..

wah dunoe spend how much time.. coz totally not satisfied with the results.. i keep analysing the song, typed out the lyrics i tink 3 times.. in japanese.. bla bla

den yst i decided to jus anyhow take and go compile the video.. den post it on nico.. but even i hear also yucks..

the next day, i go look at the comments: "きもいｗｗｗｗｗｗ” bla bla, haha which basically means: disgusting/gross (WWWWs are the japanese version of LOL), so it basically means "LOLOLOL disgusting" haha

well partly saddened but i told myself dat even i found it as bad too, so i go do somemore practise and stuff.. partly wondering whether if i wan quality results i need to go change to a real mic, which i checked costs $100.. blehz..

after 2-3 hours, rerecording 5 times, i still haven't found it satisfactory.. i tink i wont upload it like i did yst.. damn sucky man

but anyways its been 1 year ever since i've quit backup singing in church.. maybe my ability is gone liao..



anyways, ya tats all i wan to say..

now on to another stuff..

well i saw my fren's blog, she was very sad and said she wont blog liao..

anyways, i understand la.. coz it seriously is sad to go to a course that you now know you really shouldn't gone,

heck, i hav a warcraft map project, and i used to love making warcraft maps so much, but this one, i didnt even get started during the holidays, even though i can easily handle the map, because entertainment has became == work.

but anyways, really feels terrible if you feel that you are confined to this fate that you picked wrongly.. hope she will cheer up

while me, i still haven't go to the temple at all.. sometimes i wan to go then get appointment wif frens, sometimes i free but den i lazy dun wan to go..

haiz... how can i treat it like that..

for me, i am sad to let 2007 go.. 2008, 2009,2010 onwards.. all these years there wont be the existence of one person..

anniversary in 3 months.. haiz.. has it really been nearly a year.. i cant believe it..