recurred
anyways, although im right now typing 4.40am, that is not a result of emoness, it's just i slack too much and regret not doing enough work for tomorrow's pathfinding, so i feeling guilty so i try to do some work.
anyways, i going to sleep soon... but i suddenly realised something, so i'll blog it before i'll sleep..
maybe one can determine my mood by seeing whether i am blogging anot ba, haha.. if i'm okay, there will most likely be no posts..
anyways, i realise for real, that mood of the past is coming back.. quietness turns into missing and sadness.. in fact I realise i now do not like to sleep until i'm absolutely tired.. just turning the lights off and lying on the bed is slightly... painful.
you know what is the things making me hurt? when i miss her, well sometimes I'll take out her photo, or her class photo, and our chat logs last time.. to tell you, these things does not actually affect at all.. i thought that maybe by taking out memorable things i could cry out much easily.. but once i come face to face with that object like photo, chat logs, i realise the effect ain't as much as i thought.. it's just a plain read through.. nothing much.. in the end, it is still the mind's memory that causes most of the crying..
however, the vaguer things that remind of her are the ones that actually the ones that makes more effect (for easier typing, let's call this effect of pain and missing someone "missing-ness".. ahh wadever)
i mentioned that the word harmonica can cause slight missing-ness whenever it is mention (which includes typing it right now).. the second object that causes that feeling is.. Anime.. I'm okay with watching anime though, but these are the few that causes more missing-ness.. In order of ranking: Midori No Hibi, Get Backers, Haruhi Suzumiya
Midori No Hibi.. the reason why it causes that much missing-ness is because.. well by sheer luck and perhaps grace, after she's gone i randomly typed her game nicks into youtube to find her profile, and i did.. she loved to favourite videos.. her fren told me she loved this song (more on that later).. and i found its from midori.. so i decided to watch the anime.. which took place after her passing.. which of coz, caused quite a impact on my mind... i watched through.. i talked to the air saying how i feel bout the anime.. a typical teenage love story anime.. it feels.. missingness.. after that, seeing that comic book in the stores causing that feeling..
Get Backers.. while she was still here, she loved this anime.. once even telling me bout her favourite guy on the show.. which is on her display pic.. i went to watch a few videos on her profile.. nothing after that.. again, any mention of that is similar..
Haruhi Suzumiya.. why? i knew this anime long ago but didnt watch it.. during chinese new year holidays, me and her were talking how bored we are then suddenly she ask me to recommend a short nice funny anime to her.. so i suddenly tot of haruhi and she and I went to watch it (ya i watch it only after i told her bout it).. she only said she finished it but didnt giv much comments.. but she loved the songs bcoz its on her profile.. well the mention of this anime doesnt bring much hurt.. however...
the songs.. midori no hibi had a nice ending song.. slow and peaceful.. i always play this song whenever i want to tink of her.. bcoz her fren told me its her favourite song (after she passed)..
Bouken desho desho and God knows... its still my commonly listened songs, but nowadays when i play it that feeling cropped up suddenly again, which led me to type tis post.. i realised it is recurring again..
My counselor told me last time that grief will come in waves.. there will be peacetime, but it will always return, just not as hurting.. which is, right now..
The last time i went for counseling was 6 months ago.. i cancelled because i told her i want to go through it alone for that time and see how it feels like.. what thoughts i can come up with.. well right now i feel like going back.. maybe its time to make an appointment again...
Age: 18
Country: Singapore
.....
anyways, i going to sleep soon... but i suddenly realised something, so i'll blog it before i'll sleep..
maybe one can determine my mood by seeing whether i am blogging anot ba, haha.. if i'm okay, there will most likely be no posts..
anyways, i realise for real, that mood of the past is coming back.. quietness turns into missing and sadness.. in fact I realise i now do not like to sleep until i'm absolutely tired.. just turning the lights off and lying on the bed is slightly... painful.
you know what is the things making me hurt? when i miss her, well sometimes I'll take out her photo, or her class photo, and our chat logs last time.. to tell you, these things does not actually affect at all.. i thought that maybe by taking out memorable things i could cry out much easily.. but once i come face to face with that object like photo, chat logs, i realise the effect ain't as much as i thought.. it's just a plain read through.. nothing much.. in the end, it is still the mind's memory that causes most of the crying..
however, the vaguer things that remind of her are the ones that actually the ones that makes more effect (for easier typing, let's call this effect of pain and missing someone "missing-ness".. ahh wadever)
i mentioned that the word harmonica can cause slight missing-ness whenever it is mention (which includes typing it right now).. the second object that causes that feeling is.. Anime.. I'm okay with watching anime though, but these are the few that causes more missing-ness.. In order of ranking: Midori No Hibi, Get Backers, Haruhi Suzumiya
Midori No Hibi.. the reason why it causes that much missing-ness is because.. well by sheer luck and perhaps grace, after she's gone i randomly typed her game nicks into youtube to find her profile, and i did.. she loved to favourite videos.. her fren told me she loved this song (more on that later).. and i found its from midori.. so i decided to watch the anime.. which took place after her passing.. which of coz, caused quite a impact on my mind... i watched through.. i talked to the air saying how i feel bout the anime.. a typical teenage love story anime.. it feels.. missingness.. after that, seeing that comic book in the stores causing that feeling..
Get Backers.. while she was still here, she loved this anime.. once even telling me bout her favourite guy on the show.. which is on her display pic.. i went to watch a few videos on her profile.. nothing after that.. again, any mention of that is similar..
Haruhi Suzumiya.. why? i knew this anime long ago but didnt watch it.. during chinese new year holidays, me and her were talking how bored we are then suddenly she ask me to recommend a short nice funny anime to her.. so i suddenly tot of haruhi and she and I went to watch it (ya i watch it only after i told her bout it).. she only said she finished it but didnt giv much comments.. but she loved the songs bcoz its on her profile.. well the mention of this anime doesnt bring much hurt.. however...
the songs.. midori no hibi had a nice ending song.. slow and peaceful.. i always play this song whenever i want to tink of her.. bcoz her fren told me its her favourite song (after she passed)..
Bouken desho desho and God knows... its still my commonly listened songs, but nowadays when i play it that feeling cropped up suddenly again, which led me to type tis post.. i realised it is recurring again..
My counselor told me last time that grief will come in waves.. there will be peacetime, but it will always return, just not as hurting.. which is, right now..
The last time i went for counseling was 6 months ago.. i cancelled because i told her i want to go through it alone for that time and see how it feels like.. what thoughts i can come up with.. well right now i feel like going back.. maybe its time to make an appointment again...
Joined: July 21, 2006
Last Login: 8 months ago
Videos Watched: 384
Subscribers: 1 (me)
Age: 18
Country: Singapore
.....
posted by k0sm0s at 12:37 PM
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