i better topic it down those i want to write b4 i forget:
1. Research on MLM!? The Hyper Rescue
2. My stance
3. Reflect about her death, episode 5
4. Feelings about people around me
5. Things I learnt from my dog.
6. Making a game.
7. What can Chuck Norris do?
8. Hellgate sibei buggy.
#1
Research on MLM, A.K.A Operation Condor.
This interest wouldn't have been revitalised had i not visited my church fren's blog and noted that she stated several comments that i feel like for the fun of it, debate..
First time i read up on it, was my fren asked me to join sunshine empire, and i did my research and scolded her. The worst thing is, the lesson, can only be learnt through the painful passing of time. Whether the MLM works, you must wait until whether your fren really benefitted from it.. some lessons can only be learnt harshly.
Well, fact is, there really is a lesson to be learnt. The Empire is now under scrutiny. She was wrong. She was the one who apologised to me and I'm glad. Because the way they phrase things is brainwashing. I survived only because I went there with a closed mind, and I was made to feel quite stupid there. Got money take why don't want? That's only if you are lucky enough to get past the investment period. So it is now under investigation. More time has to be passed in order for this lesson to be learnt. The thing is, everyone will be blinded by greed, so don't be angry at them. It WILL be a harsh lesson.
Well I didn't know so soon after I will have to read up on it again. When my fren mentioned my cell leaders are now involved with Amway. Another MLM. All MLM NEEDS to be investigated. So from what I gather, they sell products. They seemed to last quite a while.. At least there isn't as much brainwashing compared to the openness of Sunshine in the way they present themselves. I seriously can't differentiate which accounts are pure skeptic | defenders made up or honest facts. Even BBC's accounts looks quite biased, but since it's bbc, that reduces the meter abit. So turn out, I can't find much info that I can really trust.
Apparently my cell leaders aren't affecting my cell ppl much, that's good to hear, coz i was quite worried about that.. But just hope that the 2 will make past the investment period. I don't even know whether its an investment or sell products. I don't know how far to research, whether to go there and witness myself like I did in Sunshine (but abit waste time la).. hope somebody who's been there will tell me a personal account how it is like.
Anyways, what I learnt about arguing is that, you can never decide your stances on arguments. The more you read the more confused you get. The fact is, some people will HAVE to learn a lesson, and will have to take the punishment for you so you will never get into it again. Thus, whether the company is good or bad, I might have to see how those 2 will turn out in the end. Watching friends entering a harsh classroom. Will it turn out good or bad? Find out in the next episode, To Be Decided.
Suddenly I feel like typing about this. What makes me feel that a report is trustable? First is:
No more than ONE testimony by a person. Once I saw a critic posting as many as 10 accounts of a MLM'er making a fool of himself. As much as I wanted to trust him, I can't. Of course, most Defenders do that. Why can't I find something like just ONE testimony, you know? And a realistic one.
Second: Newspapers links definitely adds a +1 to the reliable meter. Not that news are always correct (Wiki: Ponzi Scheme), but at least it goes through the reliability filters.
Third: Live videos. Let me witness for myself how much takes place at the events.
I realise since Humans have so many different specifications, maybe not everyone should avoid a certain thing just because one says so.
Wow I spent nearly 30 mins! Next.
#2
My stance. This is mostly about christians and church people.. Coz I already placed up barriers against some people and loosened up towards some people. Those I am not ready to make friends with, they are the ones whom I feel ask me out just so they will ask me deep questions and you know, hopefully get me back to church. Idiots. Hypocrites. Fake friends. You think you are loving? I tell you, if you are that loving in the first place, why can't you sense the fact that I'm avoiding you and you are just dying to get through me. Why can't you ask a question that is genuinely you want to talk about and not a placeholder question for your real intention:
Become 'friends' again. Talk happily. But ultimately, you are WANTING to get me back to church. I am a fully functional thinking human you know? You think I am not thinking about all these stuff, esp since that incident?
People like that are just plain irritating. No wonder so many people hate church people. Pressured ever and ever to bring more and more 'lost' and 'dark' and 'stupid' humans into the Kingdom of Light. I feel so lost, so dark, so stupid. Do you think I ever think of that? No. You christians, are told to call other humans that name. Tell me a church that don't have one pastor saying that.
The things on top, I'm just talking on one end. On the other hand, from past experiences, don't worry I'm convinced God exists. I'm convinced He's loving. I'm convinced He is good and I should go back to Him. I admit laziness to go church plays a part, but I also hate the fact that if I go back some people will in order to feel that "they are loving", will come and talk to me. Not everybody of coz. I know some keep it down. These I do not hate them. I still talk to these people, like my fren i talked to a few days ago. It's just that some ppl who are totally not friends suddenly come and talk to me, that feels weird. The so called "I'm friends with the whole world because I'm loving" is ambitious, but not realistic. Friendships have to take place naturally in the wild. Same interests, same personality types for example. You can't force a friendship. That's what these christians are doing. That's why so many people hate christians.
I know that some pastors can be pure loving. That really aims to help people. We need more of them. Why can't we go to a pastor not feeling condemned at the end of it.
Finally, I know christians are not perfect people, but perhaps too many of them are using it as an excuse to their ignorance.
Wow that is another 20 mins! Go go go.
#3
It's been 8 months. Haven't cry for don't know how long. Wait hold on, I think I'm going to start crying soon (tears are swelling up now). I haven't even think of anything. Okay first, the picture on the newspaper. It's starting to feel neutral. I usually leave her picture turned down so my parents wun feel weird, and I won't feel weird. But recently I feel like keeping it turned face up. Because it feels more loving. It used to feel sad. This is getting weird now. I want to feel sad but in the end I'm not. I feel weird when I'm in neutral mood. I just want something to cry. I WANT HER!!!!!!! I realise the countdown to my end of life is working better than I thought. Each day I cut away from the days, it makes me feel this won't last forever. 20392 days left.
Even though right now I'm feeling okay, I will attempt to go into the painful recesses of the brain now.
The mention of the word Harmonica always bring love and pain. (it hurts even saying it now) I wish I could still see and hear her play harmonica now. Go Yamaha and see the word Harmonica or hearing anyone mention it casually, ouch. Love and pain don't blend together. It feels like a weird concoction. You just do not want them to mix together.
Saying I love you and all don't seem to work so well anymore. Trust me, these words mean the most when you are crying. Maybe I'll make myself cry again.
It has been so long since I visited the temple. I don't even know whether I want to go now. Hmm, maybe I should go there soon. Last time I always go because my heart hurts (and 2 out of 3 times, I never get inside to see her coz it's closed). But now is I feel like going there coz I want to be reminded of how much I love her.
1o minutes for that.
4. Feelings about people around me.
Now I accidentally traversed into this section when I was talking about church people. Well so I'll talk about others outside. I feel damn bad when I borrowed money from my frens coz I lack $20 for the preorders. I felt that I'm treating my friends like a bank sometimes. I didn't even do much for them. I felt I'm relying too much on ZM in sch. I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I wanted to apologise to reub and hw coz there was a day I was quite grumpy after not sleeping, and i still owe them money for so long. And once a fren scold me for getting hellgate london because I spent over $100 recently on games. And he forgotten the fact I still owe him fifty for WoW.
I feel guilty for skipping a particular lesson 2 times, that my fren mentioned she not happy liao.. I feel like I should apologise to her but most probably I won't. OPS!? I think this should be called "confessions" already. And there are still some things bad about me. I'm a bad person.
Anyways, watching frens break up and repatch again, watching a girl classmate 90% getting attached soon.. ok lor good for them, i'm not interested in bgr anyways.. but hey btw, girl classmate, perhaps do you think you are spending abit too much time on forums in class?
(btw, I'm hoping she doesn't read this) do you realise there are some things you should start learning yourself? No interest in a subject, that's not really an excuse, you think those people in chemical engineering mechatronics went there with a genuine interest? Maybe you should start studying yourself.. I was supposed to fail last sem, do you think you can pass is you really understood the subjects?
I know you are already starting to feel frustrated about this. So I'm sincerely hope you can study and be more independent. Please make it out safely. Don't spend too much time involved in your going to happen soon BGR... don't so willingly accept dates. I'm not in a position to tell you what to do. I know I'm putting it in a public spot here. Okay you may scold me if you have seen this.
The other guy, good luck on your relationship. Though I will never state it out in your face. You always show you are a mature person. So hopefully you can succeed in your relationship.
O wait this isn't a secret "tell to that person" section. Actually, I do not like the fact a relationship is formed over the forums. I do not like the fact some guy is so worried for a girl for no reason. So even though I wish you good luck, I have abit of doubt. Prove me wrong.
Another 20 mins.
#5
Things I learnt from my dog.
Okay I have a dog. Frens will know, people who see my msn display pic will infer. Anyways, my dog isn't those cute cute playthings type. Sincerely, everytime i see my dog it is never those like "KAWAIIII!!!!" feelings. It is as humane and boring as it gets. It's totally different from my frens' dogs. And as I slowly watched, things I learnt.
Many times I see my dog yawning. But only one time I realise that dogs do yawn, just like humans. I realise it isn't only a human attribute. Dogs do yawn. I suddenly feel he is more alive. Not just a plaything.
Because I always scratch my dog in the belly. Now it keeps asking me to scratch. By biting my hand. By waving it's legs while lying down. I realise how this is so similar to humans. Dogs do call for attention. They bark when you ignore them. They want you they do whatever they can, hoping you get the message.
I also realise my dog understands morality. Everytime it bites something and I spot it, it will instantly run under the sofa and hide. Den I will drag it out and pull (or yank) the thing away. Sometimes It will struggle. Anyways it also knows when it pee on the floor and it knows we are coming to beat it. It is also always on the constant alert when it suddenly me running towards it. (because I always pretended I'm going to beat it, for fun, harhar)
Anyways, having a dog makes me realise sometimes we need to learn the basic interaction skills. No "I love you" or whatever. Dogs do not understand that. You also cannot run towards it to hug it coz it will run away thinking you are going to beat it. Instead you must be patient and stretch out your hand den the dog will approach it. Den you try to pat it's head den it knows you are not going to beat him.
Also when I want to carry my dog, coz it is abit cautious of me (and yet it always follows me around), I need to stretch out my hand patiently so it understands I'm going to carry it and not beat him up. So good to learn basic human interaction.
Summary: My dog also attempts to snatch my pillow and bolster and blanket away from me. My dog also barks when I'm ignoring it. My dog fears heights.
Right now the dog is sleeping on my bed.
20 mins coz i went to look for hp.
#6
Making a game.
Making a game is HARD! You can't just make a gun that shoots around and call it a 'game'. You must make it fun, thats the hard part. Fun can be defined extremely broadly:
Repetitive (simple) VS Complexity
Addictive VS Just play it once only
Immersive VS Unimmersive
Crazy VS Realistic
Powerful VS Balanced
Finally: Super cool graphics VS Abstract
there are more, but these are what I can think of now. I will give an example for these 10 opposing attributes but all contribute as 'fun'.
Repetitive : Dynasty Warriors classic example. It's repetitive, but sometimes you just play it out of boliao.
Complexity: Strategy games.
Addictive: Tetris
Play it once: Very few, but usually parodies. They can be fun, but it is only fun for once or a few times. After that, it is extremely boring.
Immersive: Bioshock
Unimmersive: Action horror games like house of the dead. Do you seriously feel that you are in an atmosphere of horror?
Crazy: Unreal tournament.
Realistic: WW2 games.
Powerful: Example is Ratchet and Clank. Otherwise you can say for most games that don't have a VS mode.
Balanced: Competitive games.
Super cool graphics: Modern games.
Abstract: NES games. They are still as fun.
As you can see, fun isn't like that. It is a right formula. Everything is finely presented. A good menu and intro screen is as important as the game itself. I have made 3 games that have crappy menus (and neither is the game really that fun). It can be an accidental work of art.
20 mins.
#7.
What can chuck norris do? He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head, he ordered a big mac at burger king, and got one, he got a blackjack with only one card.
[Fillers]
#8.
I complain about hellgate. I support the developers. Even though the game is quite crap at this state. What makes it worse is that the crappy server in singapore. We paid for a beta!?!?!?
that's all for today. Wow i typed from 1am to 3am.
